Facing the Monster

Here's what's tricky about faith. It's easy to feel confident when things are going well. Time and time again, when my life and my faith are going relatively well, I say things like, "The next time I'm in the valley, I'll remember this mountain and be strong. I won't crack under the weight next time." But I usually always do. When I'm struggling with these bouts of depression, there's really no talking me out of it. I can't remember the mountain of better days, and I crack under the weight.

When things are good in my heart, I'm glad that God has not listened to my once-desperate pleas to get me out of here at all costs. But when things are rocky, I get frustrated, forgetting my previous prayers for Him to continue His will, even if it's against my will. It's like in the movie Young Frankenstein. They capture the monster, and Gene Wilder is prepared to go in and try to tame him. He tells the crew outside that no matter how much danger he's in, no matter how much he screams, they are not to let him out. He knows he needs to face his creation at all costs, even if his life is in danger. They agree to be strong. So he enters the room, the monster roars, and within seconds he is banging on the door, screaming obscenities, begging his crew to forget his previous bravery and to let him out. They want to let him out, but they refuse, remembering that he asked them to stand firm, no matter how much he screams and yells Mommy. They have the better good in mind.

It's a comical scene, really, but that is so often how I behave as well. Outside of the trials, I know that they are good, faith-building, character-defining struggles, and I give God permission to keep me in them as long as He needs to. But the second I'm back in the thick of the battle, my screams to God are as crazed and desperate as Gene Wilder's: Forget what I said before and get me out NOW!

How quickly I forget that God's will is better than my own...