The Water

There is a river that washes you clean

There is a tree that marks the places you've been

Blood that was spilled, although not your own

For all of those tears, love will atone

-Jars of Clay

I got baptized yesterday.

I'm sure some of you may read that twice, confused. After all, I've been a Christian for roughly fifteen years! It may seem like a random time for me to wade into the water.

At first, I struggled with its randomness as well. Why now? I've been a Christian forever, essentially. But the church I grew up in doesn't put much emphasis on baptism. In Amana, it's strictly a spiritual matter. And here, at Candlewood, it's practiced regularly, and is a symbol of faith and obedience.

About a year ago, I witnessed my first adult baptism, and it was beautiful to me. I was blessed to hear each person's story, to see friends dunking friends, to see the community rally around the new believers in love, singing praise songs. And that's what yesterday was like for me, too.

I'd been praying about this for a year. I struggled with this "why now?" question, and came to a point of knowing that the time is always right to show faith, to renew faith. So that's what yesterday was about for me. I renewed my faith and publicly showed my commitment to Jesus.

Aroea, Kevin and Cainen came all the way from Cedar Rapids to witness it. Kevin said that this is one of the most important things in life, and that it was their pleasure to be a part of it. I can't express how wonderful it was to have them here all weekend. On Saturday we spent the day at the zoo. And then that night, Aroea prayed for me with such love and power that, though I can scarcely even remember what was said, I know that it was such a true moment. God was there as she held my hands, I cried, and I let go of a lot of crap that I've been harboring within me.

Yesterday was such a beautiful day. Barefoot, with Aroea holding one hand and Charlotte the other, we waded into Standing Bear Lake and the two of them baptized me, one old friend, one new friend, and one steadfast God. It was a refreshing and renewing experience that I hope to keep with me in the dark times. I'll remember the water.

I just walked away from yesterday feeling so loved. Jonelle and Jaime came. Tabitha gave me flowers. Countless people hugged me. Aroea hugged me and said, "I just love my little Nicoleon," and Charlotte replied, "we do too," and I knew it was true. But none of that can even compare to how unconditionally loved I am by my God. I just felt the spirit of love and joy and fellowship all the day through.

I'll remember the water.