a long, somewhat disjointed post to bring me back into the blogging world

Hello? Are you all still out there? Will you forgive me for my absence from the blogosphere and take me back?

First, an apology. I promised some of you I would update my blog by the end of the day on Monday. But then Matt and I decided to squeeze in a quick trip to Men's Wearhouse, and when I came home I had a horrible headache and couldn't stand to look at the computer screen too long. So, sorry about that.

But I'm back now. I'm actually writing from the new laptop Matt and I bought, which is kind of fun. I'm feeling kind of Doogie Howserish right now, writing after midnight with no other sounds around other than me typing on the keys.

So, where to begin?? I was actually quite a bit frustrated the week before Matt and I headed out of town for the holidays, because I had so much on my heart regarding Christmas and peace and priorities, but the week gave me no time to actually capture my thoughts with gift wrapping and packing and church and work stuff. But what I would've written about was little Micah Messer (see my previous post about my friend Liz), and how I got to meet her that Tuesday, which turned out to be the day before she came home from the hospital. In that crazy week I was feeling frustrated about the hustle and bustle, about the To-Do lists, about how it took forever to drive on Dodge Street from downtown to Methodist Hospital that night amidst rush hour and Christmas shopping traffic. But then I heard Sara Groves sing "may your heart be filled with gladness and the peace that covers sadness and have yourself a merry Christmas now..." and then I got to hold Micah, who is such a beautiful miracle, and I knew that nothing else really mattered except for a glad and thankful heart.

The reason I'm writing this now is because at Christmas-time we all tend to think a bit more about Jesus, and about what He brought to the world, and then January 1 hits and it's back to "reality" and these wonderful truths about peace and hope and joy all get shoveled out with the ridiculous piles of snow.

Happy 2010! I've never been so excited for the New Year as I was this time around. 2009 was an extremely eventful, life-altering year, and I know 2010 promises to follow suit. Matt and I's New Year's was pretty low-key. We needed it after all of the traveling in the weeks prior. We had left Omaha on December 18 and spent a few days in Pella celebrating Christmas with the Van Zantes, then about a day or so in Amana and Cedar Rapids, including fun times with the Allans and the Knoxes and Christmas with my family, and then it was off to Cleveland, Ohio, for the actual holiday itself with my dad's family. We spent a few days at my Aunt Linda and Uncle Joe's house, and I enjoyed being able to introduce my aunts and uncles and cousins to Matthew, and vice versa.

But by the time that all was done, I know I was pooped. New Year's Eve consisted of Red Lobster with the Potters and the Sanfords, a pretty mellow but nice party at London's house, and then on January 1 Matt and I had a truly lazy day in Bellevue. We stayed in our comfy clothes all day and watched TV and movies and did very little else. It was nice. But ever since then, the crazy-busyness has returned. Things at work have never been more... what's the word?... intense? I may be exaggerating a bit, but it's definitely keeping me on my toes. We're launching some completely new grant programs, which doesn't happen very often. Change is really coming at me from all directions these days, it seems!

And Matthew and I are now in the throes of wedding planning. I'm actually enjoying the process quite a bit. Mom, Natalie and I went to a bridal expo in Cedar Rapids a few weeks ago, which was fun, and last weekend my bridesmaids and I went dress shopping in Des Moines. This week Matt and I started our Target registry, and it was just a bit odd (? surreal? crazy? this-is-really happening! exciting!) to go through the aisles and pick out things we will use in our home together. So, we're moving forward.

But even with all of the excitement of the year ahead, my heart has also been heavy these past few weeks. I learned that a good friend's dad is dying. And I've been really burdened for Haiti. Haiti is important to me because the little girl that I sponsor through Compassion International, Jose Valencia, is from there. When I first heard about the quake, I immediately thought of her and feared for her and her family. For days, every time I heard anything about it, I would stop and tear up. And yet I would then go back to my daily life and my daily petty stresses as if nothing was wrong. I'm still not sure what to do with that. How do you handle thoughts and prayers of compassion and heartache but also go on with 'life as usual'? I don't have an answer to that question, but I've been praying that God will use the struggle in me somehow. After doing some investigating yesterday, I found out that Jose Valencia is from a town about 100 miles from where the quake occurred. It was a relief to find that out, but that doesn't mean I can stop thinking or caring or praying or giving but all the other lives that have been affected.

My life group and I went to see this movie tonight called To Save a Life. It was an extremely good movie. It was about helping people- lonely people, "outsiders", all people, really- know that they are of great worth. I worried that it was going to be cheesy and therefore somewhat ingenuine, but it wasn't. It was real and honest and moving. I really appreciated that, unlike other "Christian" movies where the makers sugarcoat sin and struggles, this movie faced them head on. It didn't try to hide the misdeeds of its characters, but it shared them openly and realistically... which made the redemption that took place throughout the movie a lot more believable. It was moving and convicting and funny and if you have a chance to check it out, I'd recommend it!

But we went to a late showing, and so now it's time to go to bed...