Changing Seasons

Nearly ten years ago, Aroea was in the psychiatric ward, recuperating from a second suicide attempt. I knew who Aroea was, but she wasn't necessarily a friend at that point. But I remember feeling badly for her, through the grapevine. Today my now wonderful, irreplacable friend sent out an email about the journey of her past decade. Here's a statistic: Over 90% of people who attempt suicide twice will be successful at doing so sometime in the next 10 years.

Praise God that this was not Aroea's fate. He had something else in mind entirely. In that hospital, ten years ago, Aroea found Jesus.

In today's email, Aroea wrote about her journey of faith and just what it has saved her from and brought her to.

What she wrote really struck me, and I feel compelled to share it, as her words suggest: "Be not drowned out in stamping of life's blessings and trials. Be not choked out by fear, shame, doubt and unforgivness. Stay no longer in this place of unfulfilling, inactive, mediocrity. Turn to the one who first turned to you and hear His sweet words 'IT IS FOR FREEDOM THAT I HAVE SET YOU FREE!' If then you too are a writer, then write. And if you are creative, then create. If you are a mother, then delight in your children. And if you have a mind for business then use it! If you are a shepherd, then gather your flock and if you are a scholar then apply your knowledge. But do all things for the glory of God. So when your life ends, and you are faced with your own mortality, you may be at peace, with the one who died to give you peace.

"Let such things, be at the forefront of our minds in the coming years. For the days are evil. They would suck from us our very breath if they could. Therefore redeem the time and live as one who knows what they were created for."

Because I'm a writer, I'm called to write. Such a simple, yet powerful charge. And in a day when I was feeling drowned by doubt and fear, she has reminded me that there I needn't be. I am just always amazed to hear my friend's story. She told it to me the night our friendship became real, six years ago. She was in her bed, I was in Rohana's, and we stayed up almost all night talking, sharing our struggles. And when she shared the depths of her pain, I started to cry because I knew that God had delivered her from it. I realized the void that would have been in my life without her friendship, and I crawled across the room in the dark and hugged her. That shared faith has created an amazing friendship.

And so I look at her now, with her little son, and I am reminded of the beauty of truth and of healing and I'm reminded that God is a God of miracles, even as the seasons change.

I'm Alive, Tauna (I talked to you twice last night!)

This post is a reaction to Tauna's clever comment questioning whether or not there is breath in my lungs. And there is.

I think the reason I don't write more often is that I always want to sound cohesive in what I share. I want what I say to matter a little in some way.

But today, I think I'll just have to throw that notion out the window...

I went back to Amana/CR this weekend. On the surface, I went so I could see Nancy perform in her very last high school musical ever. My real motivation, however, was to see my babies.

Saturday was one of the strangest days ever. In the afternoon, Mom and I went to Aroea's house, where two-month-old Cainen threw up on me. Twice. He covered my sweater, my khakis, everything. But I really didn't mind. It was a bonding experience, I suppose. Some day when the kid is older I can tease him about it. Plus, he's just so darn cute. After my dad came to pick up my mom and drop off a change of clothes for me, I headed up Oakland Road and arrived at Matt and Leslie's, where one-year-old Nolan greeted me with smiles and hugs. He's such a friendly kid. I like him! Before too long, then, the Petersen clan arrived for dinner. Nolan and Sophie are only three weeks apart, but Nolan's big for his age and Sophie is small, and it was cute watching them interact. Nolan was almost petting her, all protective like...

But it was strange to sit around that dinner table- Matt and Leslie on one end with Nolan in the high chair, Josh and Katie on the other end with Sophie in her chair, and me in the middle, just eating my pizza. How can these people be the same age as me?? On top of all that, yesterday I stopped in Des Moines on my way back and saw Wendy and Clint's new house. It was all so grown-up!

Also this weekend, I spent time in every single school I've ever attended, which was also bizarre. On Friday I ate school lunch with Kristie in her office at the elementary/middle school. It was surreal to use the restroom in the elementary wing, with the blue walls and exact same paper towel dispensers. I just looked in the mirror and saw my short-haired, dorky kid self. And school lunch? I really haven't missed it! I was just glad that Kristie didn't make me eat my green beans!

Then that night I went to the high school to see Nancy's show, and on Saturday night Theresa Roberts and I went to the Mount Mercy play before we went back to her apartment to just lay on her bed and shoot the breeze in a dramatic fashion. I love being with a fellow Drama Queen every now and then. Not to mention that Theresa is my only single friend in the entire state of Iowa, so it was a welcome change from the domesticity of the weekend!

So there you have it, Tauna. That was my weekend. Not necessarily cohesive, not necessarily elegant, just what it is...